I used to watch a tv show called Will and Grace. On one episode Will told Grace in a relationship one person is the rose that gets tended to and the other person is the gardener who does the tending. I have no doubt my role in most of my relationships I am the gardener. I always try to see that all my friends are happy and I do what ever I can to help make them happy if they are not. I have a lovely garden of friends and some of them are quite beautiful flowers indeed, but lately I have been feeling like perhaps the job has gotten too big for just me to handle anymore.
I have been irritable and I get annoyed easily and angry fast. I know where some of this comes from. Part of these feelings are coming from the fact I feel really under appreciated for so many of the things I do. The other part of it comes from a depression I have been feeling for months and a hard decision I will have to make that is looming on the horizon. Funny thing about growing your rose friend garden is that if you are not careful you will get stuck by the thorns of their insensitivity and their taking advantage of your kindness. Many take for granite you will always be there because you are very loyal to your friends they feel they can treat you any way they want and you will still be there.
It has been a long hard summer and I am tired of gardening. I would really like to sit back now and reap the rewards of all my hard work.
I will not say it is all a thankless job. In fact a couple of my friends have been very generous to me, and I appreciate them very much. The problem is that more do not care about my feelings then what there is that really do.
I thought I would finally get a little time to do the things I wanted to do I was told when fall got here some of the things that stress me would be picked up by other people, but I found out tonight that it does not look like that is going to happen.
There are times I wish I could be like other people and just say hell with it and walk away when things get to me, but my parents did not raise any quitters. They taught us you honor your commitments, and keep your word. That is very deep inside me and I do not really think I would want it any other way. My word is my bond. So I guess I will be tending the rose bushes a little longer.
