How long should someone let a loss eat at them? It does not matter if it is a relative , a friend , relationship or a pet that died, or if it is a treasured possession that has been lost or stolen. The question remains the same. How long do you grieve the loss of them or it in your life? How many times do you ask why? How many timed do you wish it could be changed? How many tears do you cry? How long till your broken heart can mend? In my time I have discovered one thing to be very true. It is easier to recover from a loss if it is not followed immediately by another. In 2016 we lost my older brother in Aug , my favorite cousin in early Oct, and my brothers wife in mid Oct. I was just starting to recover from those losses when my nephew who has fought cancer 4 times over the past 10 years had a relapse. Now I find myself bracing for what may be inevitable
the cancer is in an inoperative spot, and there may be no happy remission this time. Unless someone comes up with an amazing new cure for cancer I fear we may lose my nephew before Christmas. Part of me wants to go see him and part of me is frightened if I do I may not be able to hold my emotions together and I may end up crying my eyes out. He does not need that. He needs strong, optimistic, happy people around him. I do not do well at hiding my emotions when I am sad.
the cancer is in an inoperative spot, and there may be no happy remission this time. Unless someone comes up with an amazing new cure for cancer I fear we may lose my nephew before Christmas. Part of me wants to go see him and part of me is frightened if I do I may not be able to hold my emotions together and I may end up crying my eyes out. He does not need that. He needs strong, optimistic, happy people around him. I do not do well at hiding my emotions when I am sad.I wish there were something I could do to save his life. I was watching a Halloween show one time I do not remember the name, but this little boy was going to die that night. His 3 friends found it out and tried to stop death from taking him. Finally death said to them the only way to save him would be for each of you to give up one year of your life. They all said they would do it to save their friend. Death told them think about this first it may not seem like anything when you have this much life left, but at the end that year will seem like an eternity when you do not have it. Still they insisted they wanted to save their friend so the deal was made and the boy recovered. How cool would that be if you could keep someone you love from death by simply giving up one year of your life. I wonder how many of us would make that choice. I know I would to save my nephew.
I have a friend who has been morning the death of a friend of his for over 10 years now and he only knew that friend for 2 and a half years. How much must someone touch your soul that you would still morn their death more then a decade later after only having them in your life for so short a time?
I know this all sounds kinda morbid and sad, and for that I am sorry. Lately I have found myself thinking a great deal about death, and how little I have really done with my life. I turned 60 this year and although I keep telling people I am shooting for 100, we do not really know how much time we have left on this planet. I guess my new obsession with death has come on the heals of my hospital stay in June of this year. I had a kidney stone and kidney infection and blood infection which was complicated by afib, and I spent a week in the hospital. I had no symptoms untill the day I went to the hospital. I had a blood infection and did not know it. I could have died and not know it till it was too late. When you take in to consideration my sister in law lost her father around my birthday, and he was not that much older then me, it makes me worry if I will also die too young. I am also grieving for the time I lost in my life to panic attacks.
I look around and I see nothing of consequence to show for my life. I have no children, no business, no husband, no great art works that I painted, no books published that I wrote. I wonder if anyone will remember me when I am gone at all. Then a flash comes into my head and I remember a famous woman who did not begin painting till she was in her 90's can any of you remember her name?
And I think while there is life there is hope and I may yet some day leave some mark in the world to show I was here.
And I think while there is life there is hope and I may yet some day leave some mark in the world to show I was here. The mere fact any of us are alive is a miracle all its own when you stop to think of all the things that could have went wrong on out trip from an egg and a sperm to a full grown human being. How long will it take for people to learn to look at what they have as a blessing instead of looking at what they lost as a curse?
