jane_and.the_dragon
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Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are.
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HARD HEART
I have noticed lately my heart has been hardening. I do not know why. I just know I am not as kind, sympathetic and giving as I was just a year ago. I will give you and example: Last year I gave to every charity that sent me a request for a donation. This year about half of them went into the garbage without a return. I used to listen to every problem anyone had, and try to help them. Lately I have been giving some people the brush off when they start telling me about their bad lives. That could be because lately I have been feeling like no one cares about my feelings. I do not really know why I am changing or even if I like it or not. All I know is so many of the things that used to be so important to me are fading away. Things that used to bring me great joy and pride I am losing interest in like painting and photo editing. Is it holiday depression? Maybe. I get it every year but not like this year. I have always found something to do to get me through this bad time of year, but this year I am not finding anything to get me through. I just feel like everything I enjoyed most has been taken away from me or maybe it is my passion for it that has ran away from me. I do not know. I only know I am getting really depressed lately, and some of my friends try to help but it does not. Others make jokes like they think if they can get me to laugh it will fix everything . It won't. This time of year is lonely, cold, cloudy, and depressing and it is starting to show in my mood. I spent most of the evening crying over something too stupid to even mention. The wild thing is even though I knew crying about it was stupid I could not stop myself. This is the worst year I have had in a long time. I now what I want for Christmas I want a better new year. I want one filled with love, joy, company, good friends I can trust, and a complete absence of anything sad. OOOO and I also want next year to get past the holidays with all my friends and family still here in the new year.
